Ok, so everybody is talking about it. Maybe I should give it a try. Download the first season. Watch the first episode. It seems nice. Watch 5 more episodes. It really is great!! Watch it nonstop for days. Download all seasons. CAN’T STOP WATCHING. Suddenly you get to the latest episode. And for now on you have to wait an entire week for the next one. You feel anxiety. The season ends and you have to wait MONTHS for the next one. The waiting. MORE anxiety. You feel empty. Lonely. But the next season starts and it’s all happiness again. And that’s how you know you’re really addicted.
Last night was great. You danced. You drank. You frolicked. But it went downhill pretty quickly. You vaguely remember flirting with the grace of a kidnap victim. Clearly someone neuralyzed you because you don’t recall a thing past 9pm. And now your mouth is the devil child of the Sahara and the barren planes of Mars. Your head pretty much feels like this. Sunlight is a horrible thing and could it please go away until at least next week. *I’m sorry if this gif made you want to vomit. There are some new and obscure entries in your contact list. Someone. Is in. Your bed. Getting to work is pretty much going to feel like this… If you can get up. Somehow. Augh limbs are hard. Much like Agent K, this is how people are describing you today. You are this. This is you. Coffee is your only friend. Everything is hard. Actual real life picture of you right now. Your inner struggle. But Sssshhhh, it’ll all be over soon. Ssssshhhhh. Just leave me here to die.
Some people would have you believe that candy corn is disgusting. But they are so, SO wrong. Candy corn has always been there for you. Its flavor is unmatched. It’s ombré candy. OMBRÉ. <3 U, CANDY CORN.
This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This.
12 Things To Remember About The Golden Era Of The Members Only Jacket (Without The GIFs)
When you put it on…something happened. In the ’80s. This was the cool club you were buying into when you wore your Members Only jacket. And the Gatlin Brothers were your fellow club members. Their sexy slogan was, “When you put it on, something happens.” When styled as formal wear, you could wear a Members Only jacket to any black tie event. In 1988, Members Only made this puzzling PSA about drug babies. And then there was this even weirder PSA featuring Hitler, asserting, “There’s no excuse not to vote.” The best looking guys in America wore Members Only jackets. Like David Hasselhoff. And Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf. This is how awesome it felt to wear a Members Only jacket with a mullet and aviators. The fashoins were family-friendly, too! In fact, kids looked pretty damn sharp in them. The children (in Members Only jackets) are indeed our future — “changing the way America looks.” And while you can still get Members Only jackets at Urban Outfitters…nothing will ever be the same as how they were in the ’80s.
These animals may be small, but they’re mighty! The delight they bring you is just as wonderful as the delight you get from GEICO customer service. C’mon, their mascot is a tiny gecko! They know what’s up. When you’re a tiny animal, life is simply grand. You get lovely tickles from your owner’s warm hand. And mini-friends? You’ll get plenty of those too. Because it’s always fun to eat your lunch with a fantastic crew. If others make fun of your stature, don’t despair! Because you know you’re awesome everywhere! When you’re a pygmy, it’s easy to get cuddles. No one would argue. There’s no rebuttal! With a tiny animal you’ll never be blue. Yeah, pygmy rabbit. I’m talking to you! Even your chewing looks better than the rest! You can’t deny that this is the very best. When it comes to being amused, lil’ animals have it all. It doesn’t take much for them to have a ball! So remember! Tiny animals make the best of friends. They are delightful from the beginning of the day and until the very end.
Shut the internet down. So many reasons to love this photo. First of all there’s Rider. But more importantly there’s a WOLF! And they are together. Boy meets wolf!
You’re heading out to the bar with your friends and your mission is simple. You walk in and some guy notices you. Then you think to yourself, “let the games begin!” He approaches and you try to make small talk for awhile. Finally he utters those 4 magical words. Don’t mind if i do! You chat some more but honestly you’ve stopped paying attention. Soon enough he says something creepy and sexual. And you quickly realize you need to move on So you try to make a quick getaway but he asks for your number. Off to the dance floor to find your girls! You carefully sidestep the guys trying to grind up on you. Some other guy tries and fails to flirt with you. But at this point you’re done trying to find a winner. You become disenchanted by the male species in general. And decide to go home with your true soulmate: yourself. Welp, there’s always online dating!
11. Icthyosaurus A DOLPHIN WITH STEVE BUSCEMI EYES? JESUS GOD NO
10. Ankylosaurus WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
9. Iguanadon REAL TALK IT’S A CONSTIPATED T-REX NEXT
8. Pterodactyl THE P IS SILENT SO ARE YOU AFTER IT SWOOPS DOWN FROM 20,000 FEET & KILLS YOU WITH NO REMORSE
7. Allosaurus T.REX : RADIOHEAD :: ALLOSAURUS : MUSE
6. Stegosaurus LOOK AT THAT SWEET ASS BODY ARMOR PLUS IT’S VEGAN BOTTOM LINE: I’D HIT IT
5. Velociraptor PACK HUNTING, GENIUS IQ KILLING MACHINES A+, EVOLUTION
4. Triceratops OH MY GOD LOOK IT’S SO COOL IT LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING WEARING A DRACULA COLLAR AND SOME STICKERS BONUS: THEIR HUGE POOPS
3. Corythosaurus THIS IS THAT DINOSAUR THAT HAS A MOHAWK ANY QUESTIONS DIDN’T THINK SO
2. Apatosaurus NECK LIKE A TRUCK TRUCK TRUCK THIGHS LIKE WHAT WHAT WHAT
1. Tyrannosaurus Rex “LOL ITS ARMS” LET’S SEE IF YOU CAN LOL AFTER THE T-REX RIPS OUT YOUR LUNGS, LOSER
Fact: Buzz Lightyear is kind of actually really sexy. The problem is, he’s a cartoon and has purple hair and a swirl goatee. But OMG. You may have no realized it until now, but George Clooney is basically Buzz Lightyear. ANNND, in the movie Gravity, he plays a really hot astronaut. Hot. But hotter. What makes George Clooney in Gravity hotter is: A. He’s real. B. He’s a legit astronaut with an actual brain. C. He doesn’t have a swirl for a goatee. He also has a jetpack which is cool. And brown eyes. Big, beautiful brown eyes. Now here are some random pictures from Gravity because it’s hot. Right here, we have astro George making close contact with Sandy. Also astro George’s name in the movie is Matt Kowalsky. That is a hot name. Space sucks… except it wouldn’t if you were with George Clooney who was an astronaut. Floating in space, on the verge of instant death, tethered to Sandra Bullock never looked so good. And in all honesty, the best part of Gravity was when George takes his helmet off. Jesus Christ. Save me. Now a word from Tina and Amy because they’re always right. Thank you for your time.