Yeah! Cut that dough! Slice that paper, you sharp little knife, you! Fit that joint! Fit it! R! R! R! R! Make that bowl! Make it all night long! Yeah, candle! Burn! Smash, bullet! Smash like your little life depends on it! Yeah, roll it up. Roll that ice cream UP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIPYIPYIP! Damn, pen! Keep writing! I’ve never felt this way towards a frisbee before. Yeah, pop tarts. Do it! Solder my heart. Solder it good. Twiiiiiiiist, pretzel. TWIST! TWIST! OMG! Paper airplane, you are a rascal. Yes, frisbee! Get it! Don’t you ever stop, pasta! Slice that paper like it deserves to be sliced! WOOO!!!
Well, it’s Christmas Eve! But you are at the office right now WORKING. YES, WORKING. AND IT DOESN’T SEEM FAIR. Because no one else is at the office. Well, like three other people are. But it’s just you and three other people and it’s so quiet you can hear a pin drop. It’s an actual ghost town. And you kind of want to just play music and get drunk. BUT YOU HAVE A JOB TO DO. Even though everyone else is on vacation. *Oh look another Instagram of your friend at THE BEACH* And you are asking yourself, why didn’t I take off???? Because when you think about it, it’s Christmas in Australia already so shouldn’t I be at home celebrating in spirit with THEM? But alas, the office is your home now. And you will DO YOUR DUTIES. And then, when the time comes, you will pack up your stuff and be proud of what you accomplished today.
Ok, so everybody is talking about it. Maybe I should give it a try. Download the first season. Watch the first episode. It seems nice. Watch 5 more episodes. It really is great!! Watch it nonstop for days. Download all seasons. CAN’T STOP WATCHING. Suddenly you get to the latest episode. And for now on you have to wait an entire week for the next one. You feel anxiety. The season ends and you have to wait MONTHS for the next one. The waiting. MORE anxiety. You feel empty. Lonely. But the next season starts and it’s all happiness again. And that’s how you know you’re really addicted.
Last night was great. You danced. You drank. You frolicked. But it went downhill pretty quickly. You vaguely remember flirting with the grace of a kidnap victim. Clearly someone neuralyzed you because you don’t recall a thing past 9pm. And now your mouth is the devil child of the Sahara and the barren planes of Mars. Your head pretty much feels like this. Sunlight is a horrible thing and could it please go away until at least next week. *I’m sorry if this gif made you want to vomit. There are some new and obscure entries in your contact list. Someone. Is in. Your bed. Getting to work is pretty much going to feel like this… If you can get up. Somehow. Augh limbs are hard. Much like Agent K, this is how people are describing you today. You are this. This is you. Coffee is your only friend. Everything is hard. Actual real life picture of you right now. Your inner struggle. But Sssshhhh, it’ll all be over soon. Ssssshhhhh. Just leave me here to die.
Some people would have you believe that candy corn is disgusting. But they are so, SO wrong. Candy corn has always been there for you. Its flavor is unmatched. It’s ombré candy. OMBRÉ. <3 U, CANDY CORN.
This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This.
12 Things To Remember About The Golden Era Of The Members Only Jacket (Without The GIFs)
When you put it on…something happened. In the ’80s. This was the cool club you were buying into when you wore your Members Only jacket. And the Gatlin Brothers were your fellow club members. Their sexy slogan was, “When you put it on, something happens.” When styled as formal wear, you could wear a Members Only jacket to any black tie event. In 1988, Members Only made this puzzling PSA about drug babies. And then there was this even weirder PSA featuring Hitler, asserting, “There’s no excuse not to vote.” The best looking guys in America wore Members Only jackets. Like David Hasselhoff. And Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf. This is how awesome it felt to wear a Members Only jacket with a mullet and aviators. The fashoins were family-friendly, too! In fact, kids looked pretty damn sharp in them. The children (in Members Only jackets) are indeed our future — “changing the way America looks.” And while you can still get Members Only jackets at Urban Outfitters…nothing will ever be the same as how they were in the ’80s.
These animals may be small, but they’re mighty! The delight they bring you is just as wonderful as the delight you get from GEICO customer service. C’mon, their mascot is a tiny gecko! They know what’s up. When you’re a tiny animal, life is simply grand. You get lovely tickles from your owner’s warm hand. And mini-friends? You’ll get plenty of those too. Because it’s always fun to eat your lunch with a fantastic crew. If others make fun of your stature, don’t despair! Because you know you’re awesome everywhere! When you’re a pygmy, it’s easy to get cuddles. No one would argue. There’s no rebuttal! With a tiny animal you’ll never be blue. Yeah, pygmy rabbit. I’m talking to you! Even your chewing looks better than the rest! You can’t deny that this is the very best. When it comes to being amused, lil’ animals have it all. It doesn’t take much for them to have a ball! So remember! Tiny animals make the best of friends. They are delightful from the beginning of the day and until the very end.
Shut the internet down. So many reasons to love this photo. First of all there’s Rider. But more importantly there’s a WOLF! And they are together. Boy meets wolf!
You’re heading out to the bar with your friends and your mission is simple. You walk in and some guy notices you. Then you think to yourself, “let the games begin!” He approaches and you try to make small talk for awhile. Finally he utters those 4 magical words. Don’t mind if i do! You chat some more but honestly you’ve stopped paying attention. Soon enough he says something creepy and sexual. And you quickly realize you need to move on So you try to make a quick getaway but he asks for your number. Off to the dance floor to find your girls! You carefully sidestep the guys trying to grind up on you. Some other guy tries and fails to flirt with you. But at this point you’re done trying to find a winner. You become disenchanted by the male species in general. And decide to go home with your true soulmate: yourself. Welp, there’s always online dating!