Thursday, October 17, 2013

18 Reasons Mushrooms Are a Garbage Food (Minus the GIFs)

Mushrooms are empirically disgusting. They are the worm-iest of foods. Worms or mushrooms?? YOU CAN’T EVEN TELL. Mushrooms are literally fungus. Did you know that the FDA legally allows 19 maggots and 74 mites in every 3.5-ounce can of mushrooms!! Mushrooms taste like nothing unless you coat them in oils and spices. They are slimy weird bulb food!!! Mushrooms are the surprise ruiner of many a pasta. Some of them LOOK LIKE BRAINS. Mushrooms look like garbage thrown on a pizza. They’re weird and puffy and scary. Everyone thinks vegetarians want a portobello mushroom sandwich or burger. Mushrooms are a poor and creepy excuse for a meat substitute. AHHH IS IT TOUCHING ME? I FEEL LIKE IT’S TOUCHING ME. Mushrooms make a very unpleasantly colored soup. THIS IS AN UNHOLY UNION OF LIFE (ZUCCHINI) AND CRUEL, SENSELESS DEATH (MUSHROOM CARCASSES). Does this sound at all appetizing??? A mushroom once told me it hated puppies AND Beyoncé. Thanks for nothing, mushrooms. You are not a fun guy.

Notes

  1. lolharry reblogged this from buzzfeedminusgifs
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  7. neon28 reblogged this from buzzfeedminusgifs and added:
    Mushrooms are the worst. Of anything.
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    GUYS THIS IS FUNNY AND EVERYTHING BUT IF YOU WISH TO UNDERSTAND THIS IS LEGITIMATELY HOW I FEEL ABOUT MUSHROOMS I READ...
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    this is NOT TRUE. Musrooms DIED FOR YOUR SINS. Mushrooms are the most beautiful thing to grace this very earth, they...
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